There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
