if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
