I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
