i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
