I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
