Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
