And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
