I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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