Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
