Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
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