Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My feet surprised me
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