we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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