What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
