did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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