I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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