the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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