Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize