the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
