what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
