Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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