If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
