dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
