there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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