you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
