You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
