saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
