i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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