I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
