Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
