Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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