Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
