Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
