Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
