We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
