she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
