the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
