I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
