he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
