Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
