just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
