Porn is love you can see.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
