I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
