I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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