im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
