the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
