I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
