now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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