i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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