And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
