I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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