I must be too annoying 4 u.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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