after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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