I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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