i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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