Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
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