Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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