dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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