I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Randomize
