I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
