Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
His nipple licking is glorious
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