Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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