I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
