I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize