How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
