oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
