The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Christians are straight up FREAKS
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
