Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
