HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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