just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
