Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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