i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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