Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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