if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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