I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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