At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
