3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
