Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
