I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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