he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
