well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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