He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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