you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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