i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
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