my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
