it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
