I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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