Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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