worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
