Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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