How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
