What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize