Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
