We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
