My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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