Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize