Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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