Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
