I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
